Sunday, September 27, 2009

Dog Letters to God

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the ‘Chrysler Eagle’ the ‘ Chrysler Beagle’?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID’s, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths . What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please .

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

                               Photo Courtesy of Fredi Olson

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog …

1. I will not eat the cat’s food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc . , just because I like the way they smell.

3 . The litter box is not a cookie jar.

4 . The sofa is not a ‘face towel’.

5 . The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff

6 . I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.

7 . Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying ‘hello’.

8 . I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table.

9 . I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house – not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11 . I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12 . The cat is not a ’squeaky toy’ so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.

P . S . Dear God: When I get to Heaven, may I have my testicles back?
Courtesy of Paul Fite - The Fite's Blog

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